Today's pretty good

I'm at 139 today. That makes me feel good

So far today is good

To what readers I have I just realized I've been giving all my blogs the same name. My bad guys. So far today's good. I told myself I would not weigh myself till Friday which I hope to be 139 I walked a bit today . Burning 168 calories and so far I ate 40 calories so that's -128 today yay me! I have to eat dinner to avoid being found out but I hope to keep that As small as possible and I'm going out to talk again today. I can't go as often as I like cuz I can't leave my 3 week old alone. One day this week I hope to go somewhere and really burn it off. Today I'm in a good mood. I hoPe and pray fit doesn't sour on me.

Another day

Well last night I had .3oz of mac and cheese. And half a pork chop. I really didn't want that but I had to stop the questions. Today i had 80 calories so far and hoping to eat another skimpy dinner. I weighed in at 141. Better but I need to do better I walked 1.25 miles today. First time I got to do real exercise if I start that regularly I'll see faster results. I need to be 125 by jan4 mainly to get in my old work clothes. But ether way I need to lose more.

Another day

I know that if I can believe anything in this crap fest of a worl is that Jesus loves me. He doesn't have to mind you and he takes care of me. Some of you would say who gives a fluke ( I don't curse or at least I try not to) but it isn't a religion. A religion is a ritual that's done over and over because you grow up being told that if your a good boy and girl and eat your veggies you'll play harps all day on some cloud. I would just like to say that's bull. See this is a friendship with a creator, a spirit, someone who loves us enough to watch over us, bless us, and die for us to save the souls e take for granted. I know people don't care and some want to be assholes with nothing better to do but down me when I make no comment or opinion of their lifestyles.If that's your goal here then go somewhere else.
But yes I do love him he is my best friend.which is why I feel bad for what I do to myself. This time I went about 22hours with no food. My weigh didn't change which made me depressed. Again it's not about how I look although it's how it started. I'm afraid to step on it again. I had a 32oz cup of tea which would explain the water weight but will depress me more either way. Part of me wants to die part of me just wants thinness another part just wants normality.but people in Hell want ice water.

I can't do it

Again up most of the night. Fear has become my life now.there is no escaping the pain that's coming my way no running no hiding no fighting or I die. So my only option is to take it. I stay for the loves of my life. They are my reason to keep going and the reason to stay around. But I cannot do it again no more. I ve come to the conclusion that I have to stop my periods. Merena is one thing, but I'm not lucky enough to have that work alone. I have to be barren to save any future soul from...my life. The way I see it if I get down to 100 maybe 9albs it should do the trick. Wish me luck

Another day

Up all night again I wake up tired and sore.gotta stop sleeping in fetal.lay awake scared not knowing what's going to happen to you.anyway just really tired.I'm 142.6 today feel crappy about it I wanted to be under 140 by thanksgiving. I'm disgusting I know heck I'm 5'3" short and fat go figure. I ate mcdonalds today.snack wrap and small fry feel sick snot it. Not eating diner wearing sweats cuz I'm ashamed of how I look. What can you do?

Myfirst blog

I'm a girl with words I cannot express.I suppose I'm taking my dispair out on myself that I'm sure of.what my real problem is I can't and won't discuss it.to make it short I'm 22 been living with bulimia for five yes.but by the grace of god I stopped that cycle. But I have been basically starving for a week now .I'm not counting the calories but it's under 500 I know that for sure. I'm depressed upset and part of me wants to keel over.but what can you do? Hope I get readers but not doing this for attention.just trying to voice my pain. Goodbye for now .